pencarut terulung

I did not promised you that I’ll be strong

And I didn’t promise myself not to cry when I miss them.

Everything is too late now

I stuck here.

I am not exaggerating my state.

It is zero tolerance to my fate

Am I the only one pretending, this Raya is still the same?

Since her death, I found no cause to rejoice this celebration

So I let myself occupied with ridiculous amount of travelling with small amount of money

And still, next to her grave I found myself sobbing

That was the first year.

And the next year, I just don’t bear to go near to her grave anymore.

Someday, they will get fed up with me - this sick person who will cry for hours, hugging own knees.  

I just want to know why the hell I'm still alive?!

Everyone is happy now.

Should I stay longer? No

It’s been more than 1070 days and I still can’t get used to the idea she is not with me now, moreover future.  

Whoever created ‘let bygone be bygone’ – $%^*&!!£